Warrior Dash

HHP and I are going through a bit of a rough spot. We’re talking a lot but we aren’t hearing what the other person says and we are both missing super big important non-verbal clues. It’s neither my fault or his fault. I think we were super focused on improving ourselves and now that we’re ready to pay more attention to being a couple it’s hard.  So when I conned him into signing up for the warrior dash I thought it would do us both some good.

Obviously, neither HHP and I are in prime physical condition so I knew it was going to be hard. He was unsure about the whole idea of the race; jumping over fire was intimidating and the idea of  “dying” were definite drawbacks. I was concerned about getting all Kirk Cameron left behind and not having enough confidence in myself to finish. I’m really quick to quit something because it’s hard and I know that I don’t push myself as much as I should.

So we get there, and it’s scary as fuck. There are tons of people running around some of them mud covered and even a few dressed as Link and Princess Zelda. We saw an incredibly patriotic Captain America who completed the course with a giant American Flag that didn’t get muddy at all. People dressed as Street Fighters, Spartans and even a few brides running the race.

The flames shot up at 2:30 and we were off. The first obstacle was a giant fucking hill. It was pretty similar to the hill to our house, except not paved and I couldn’t stop and pretend to check my cell phone to take a break on it.  I was caught up in the rush of the crowd and ran up it and then we came to the mud. I’m not talking about a little bit of mud, I’m saying like brownie batter, diarrhea, fire swamp from the princess bride  mud.  I fell a few times, my shoe came off once and HHP biffed it too. That part of the course exhausted me. I knew it was going to be muddy and hard but I had no idea that mud could seep into my shoes and make them 5 pounds heavier. HHP was great and he would pause and wait for me to catch up and didn’t even laugh when I face-planted into what I’m pretty sure was deer shit.

When I get in stressful situations I get snippy and shut down. HHP kept me from quitting by telling me that he was proud of me and to not care that we were getting passed by people that started half an hour later than we did. We made it through the Swamp of Sadness and then we found ourselves with more obstacles. Climbing over walls, under barb wire fences, balance beams, and even more mud. It was exhausting. I was most terrified about climbing this giant wall and I couldn’t do it but HHP did. He started to struggle a little at the  top but I think I promised him “warrior dash anal” if he completed it. We could smell the fire when we came around one of the last turns. It was much smaller than I was planning and taking practice leaps over the speed bump near our house totally paid off. HHP sailed through it and I can’t wait for the sports photos to see my look of sheer terror.

We came up to the giant cargo net. You could hear the DJ spinning Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby got back” and I was pumped. I just wanted this thing to be over but in yet another awesome act of selflessness HHP asked me to wait until a woman at the top who was visibly terrified of the downward climb got started. We cheered her on and didn’t start our climb until she was securely on the ground. We slipped ass first down a giant mud hill (I have wicked  grass rash from that) and we crossed the finish line holding hands. Ok, really HHP was pulling me along.

It was the hardest thing I’ve done in recent memory, but even when I was covered in mud hating everything and everyone and repeatedly telling HHP that this was the worst idea I’ve ever had I would do it again in a heartbeat.  I got to spend a few hours with my husband, totally relying on him and his encouragement to keep me going. That doesn’t happen very often. In our relationship I’m usually the one pushing him and encouraging him so it was a really good change of pace. The whole walk back to the car we were giddy with excitement that we accomplished something that we really didn’t think we could do;  we felt closer to each other which was exactly what we wanted.

We didn’t end up getting around to Warrior Dash Anal last night. Honestly, by the time we got in the house, sex was the last thing on our minds. We took showers, HHP dressed my wounds since I couldn’t see them and we passed out.

Everything hurts today, we’re both dragging ass and all I want to do is not wear pants but I’m happier than I’ve been in a while. We’ll probably do it next year, heck I might even do the one in NY in August and Tennessee in September. But neither of those races matter because I’ve got this:



9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jenny Spencer
    Jun 27, 2011 @ 13:31:10

    Way too much fucking awesome. My favorite part of this story is when you stopped yourself from charging ahead to cheer on someone who really needed it. You and HHP had enough adrenaline and good energy and love (aw) between each other that you had enough to share. Insert threesome joke here, I know, but I think it’s great. I’m proud of you both. And the next time someone whines about how hard marriage is, tell them about the deer shit.


    • Wardegus
      Jun 27, 2011 @ 15:17:37

      One thing I left out of the story, any time one of us was in behind the other, we made obnoxious ass jokes. Like I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you walk away. I think it really motivated other people to get away from us on the course.


  2. Meg
    Jun 27, 2011 @ 14:20:13

    This is the best metaphor and also the best real experience for what I think marriage is about, ever. I could absolutely identify with how you felt about so many of those obstacles, but I don’t know if I would have handled it all so well (I say “so well” because you handled them, period! That’s amazing.)

    Thanks for telling us about it.


    • Wardegus
      Jun 27, 2011 @ 15:19:44

      I came in dead last in my age bracket, and I could easily be bummed about that, but I beat 10 other suckers in the overall race. (One of them may have been a senior citizen) I’m just really glad I finished.


  3. Kendra Schwartz
    Jun 27, 2011 @ 16:00:44

    What a great story!! Thank you for sharing the details. I love you both and I hope you do run the race again. I looked into the one here in MI, but it scared me too much. Glad to know you two survived.


    • Wardegus
      Jun 27, 2011 @ 17:29:26

      Dude, if Caroline and I can do it, you totally can. We could do a whole hate trio warrior dash…there has to be some type of costume for that.


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  5. Tom Dowler
    Jun 28, 2011 @ 08:45:40

    I think I’m in for next year. Sounds like torture. In a good way. Not in a sexy good way, just a challenging good way.


  6. betterattitudeproject
    Aug 24, 2011 @ 10:46:22

    Oh my goodness! I didn’t know you had another blog. This story is ridiculousy amazing! And I’m totally in for hate trio warrior dash. Kendra, you can do it!! I’m proud of you Stefanie. I knew you could do it and I’m glad you had fun!


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